The Importance of Managing Stress

Some stress can make us stronger, but too much at one time or chronic stress can really play havoc with our bodies and minds. And some people suffer from stress, more than others.

It’s really important to manage our stress levels, because they can affect everything else in our lives, including our physical and mental health, opportunities, reputations, relationships, etc.  

CPTSD Complicates Things

I have Complex PTSD from having grown up in an extremely unstable environment, with parents who were very emotionally immature, manipulative, and abusive. I’m saying that because repeated trauma changes the brain and it can make it so that the person is more likely to be hypervigilant and extra sensitive. Someone with CPTSD may get dysregulated (triggered) way more easily than someone without it. It can also make it harder for their systems to calm down, after being dysregulated. Additionally, CPTSD can make a person more avoidant and/or more reactive, which can complicate social interactions.

What I Know About Stress

I was terrified, quite a lot, in my childhood. I became very depressed in my teenage years. Unfortunately, despite having been in therapy from a very young age, that turned into episodes of major depression, anxiety and what looked like bipolar disorder in my 20’s and early thirties. It was CPTSD, all along, but I believe that I had been misdiagnosed.

I’ve spent the last twentyish years working to heal myself, with some success. I’ve been a lot more stable, over the past decade. I still struggle with everyday stuff, like being startled easily by loud noises or feeling especially anxious, when it comes to dealing with people. There’s more healing work to be done, obviously, but I have come a long way.

Too Much Information

I remember taking a class on stress management in junior college. It was awful! I don’t know what they were thinking, laying out the many ways that chronic stress can affect our bodies. I was really going through it, at the time, and hearing all of that was NOT helpful, because it just made me feel even more stressed out about what the stress was doing to me.

Focusing on What’s Important

So, I’ll spare you the gnarly details. What’s important, in my opinion, is the following:

– knowing how to prevent stress from happening, if possible

– accepting that it’s not always possible to prevent it

– knowing how to relieve it, when it does happen

– having good self-awareness

– being responsible about handling your stress, i.e. not taking it out on others

– practicing good self-care, in general

– acknowledging that managing your stress levels is a daily thing, as long as you’re occupying a body, on this planet

– having a set of tools that you can use, at a moment’s notice

Why I’m Sharing This List

I was very stressed out, yesterday. I ate something that caused an extreme reaction in my body, which I suspect ratcheted up my cortisol levels, my blood sugar, and my blood pressure. I had a really bad headache and my system was screaming. I’ve also been dealing with noise issues and what feels like excessive foot traffic from my new neighbors. 

It sucked and none of my usual stuff seemed to be working, to relieve it. So, I came up with a list of ways to relieve stress. Because sharing is caring, I decided to write this blog post about it. And voila! Here we are. I have compiled fifteen ways to relieve stress, at home. Here they are:

Be Loving to Yourself

If you’re stressed out, beating up on yourself for being reactive, emotional, and any other form of stressed out is only going to make things worse. Can you forgive yourself for your reactivity? Imagine how you would calm a young child, who was upset, and see if you can do that for yourself.

If you’re familiar with positive self-talk, use that. And if you’re NOT familiar with positive self-talk, it can be a game changer. I discovered it when I was in my 20’s and OMG…I remember sitting in my university’s cafeteria with a book (I forget which one, unfortunately…maybe “From Panic to Power”?), a notebook, and pen, trying to untangle the mess in my head that was making me stressed and anxious. It was not what I would call “fun”, but it really helped. 

A lot of people have self-worth issues. If that’s you, then you may not believe that you are deserving of (self) love and kindness. But, that may be a faulty belief, rather than truth. So, if that’s one of your core beliefs, I encourage you to challenge it.

I really feel that the more loving we are to ourselves, the more capacity we have to be loving towards others. So, you’ll be doing yourself and everybody around you a favor, by practicing self-love and kindness. It’s a win-win. 

Meditate

Meditation can do amazing things for calming the brain and nervous system, plus centering our chi.

If the idea of emptying your mind seems impossible, I hear you. I’ve never been able to do that (air signs tend to be more brainy, than others). Fortunately, there are other kinds of meditation, as well. I tend to do better with the ones that have a certain focus, like using a word or other kind of intention.

There are plenty of guided meditations, too. If you identify as a lightworker and you’re not put off by woo woo stuff, I recommend checking out Steve Nobel’s channel on YouTube. He has a guided meditation for almost everything.

There are even activities that can help you get into a meditative state, like coloring, knitting, making model airplanes, creating graphics. Making my beaded dreamcatchers gets me into a meditative state. I haven’t done that in a while, but maybe it’s time, especially since it’s been popping up in my awareness, lately. Anything that requires a certain amount of focus, but is not very difficult, can potentially help you get calm and centered.

So, whether you do the traditional kind of Buddhist meditation, one with a focus, a guided meditation, or just do an activity that is “meditative”, you can benefit from the relaxing alpha and theta brainwaves that are induced. 

Get Grounded

What does it mean to be ungrounded? Have you ever heard of dissociation? It’s basically a type of defense mechanism that involves separating our minds from our bodies and senses. That’s my understanding, anyway, and I boy do I have some experience with dissociation! 

I’m sure you’ve met people who were not grounded, because it’s clear that they weren’t “present” right?

We can become ungrounded from doing drugs, drinking, or getting involved in other addictive behaviors.

We can also become ungrounded during times of major stress. Also, working too much with technology can scramble our energies. So can a sedentary lifestyle, when our bodies are neglected and most of our energy is in our heads. 

Sometimes, it can seem easier to check out and go off into a fantasy land, than deal with whatever’s in front of you. But, it’s a temporary fix and being ungrounded can come with major consequences.

So, how to get grounded, when your tendency is to fly off? There are a number of ways. Going out into nature, doing a kind of meditation where you imagine that you’re a tree with deep roots, and sinking your bare feet into grass, dirt, or sand are just a few ways to get grounded. You’ll discover more ways, with this list, so keep on reading!

Educate Yourself

There are some amazing resources, created by people who have really been through it and have a ton of wisdom to share.

Some of my favorite books on dealing with stress are “End the Struggle and Dance with Life” by Susan Jeffers, “The Alchemist” by Paolo Coelho (fiction, but it’s a great story), and “Do Hard Things” by Steve Magness.

Are you dealing with fear of…everything? Try reading “Feel the Fear and Do it, Anyway” by Susan Jeffers. I’m so grateful I discovered that one early in my journey. It was a game changer. 

If you want to know how to create systems, so things go more smoothly for you, check out “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. It’s hot on the bestseller list, right now, for good reason. 

If you suffer from CPTSD, the best resource that I’ve found is a YouTube channel called “Crappy Childhood Fairy”.

If you’re recovering from narcissistic abuse, I recommend watching Dr. Ramani’s YouTube Channel.

And lastly, if you’re a lightworker who needs some spiritual guidance on this Earthly plane, I’d recommend my book, “From Burned Out to Fired Up”, as well as spiritual teacher and life coach Christina Lopes’ YouTube channel.

Take a Bath

‘Water can be very soothing to our nerves. I don’t know about you, but I crave water, especially living in a very dry climate. 

According to womenandwavessociety.com, “Water triggers the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for the body’s ‘rest and digest’ response. In this state, your heart rate and blood pressure lowers, your digestion is stimulated and your body is able to relax.”

Taking a hot bath is a great way to relieve stress, on its own. You can make it an extra indulgent experience, of course, by adding bubbles with a lovely natural scent or some bath salts (I really like Aura Cacia’s products), using candles, and putting on some soothing music.

You can also help the stress to move along by imagining that it’s draining out of your body and mind, into the water, and then going down the drain, when you pull the plug. 

Consume Some Shrooms

Alright, y’all, I’m not talking about magic mushrooms, here. What I’m referring to is a very specific kind of medicinal mushroom called reishi (also known as ling zhi). 

Remember when I said that my body was freaking out and none of my normal tricks seemed to work? Hello, perimenopause. Ugh. I had a constant headache, I had a really hard time sleeping, and weight lifting and HIIT seemed to be sending my system into overdrive, which I think has been making me gain weight, rather than release it. 

Anyway, I went looking for solutions. I had tried a meal replacement shake, recently, and while it wasn’t the right supplement for me, because of my blood sugar issues, I did notice that it had some positive effects on my energy levels. Sorry…I’m not going to name names, because then Google will never stop hounding me with their commercials, LOL. It’s a very popular one, though, that comes highly recommended. 

I looked at the ingredients, again, and the website listed a number of mushrooms as adaptogens. I hadn’t heard of mushrooms having adaptogenic properties, before, but I was really curious. My understanding is that adaptogens are herbs and fungi that usually grow in very harsh conditions. Because of that, they develop a kind of resilience, as well as phytochemicals and other substances, that they pass on to you. Adaptogens can help your body adapt to stress and they come with a slew of other health properties. I’ve been trying a few different kinds of adaptogenic herbs, since I discovered them a few years ago, but I’d never ventured into the mushroom kingdom to relieve stress, before. 

I did some research on menopause and thyroid issues and the one mushroom that kept popping up was reishi. According to Dr. Axe, “These mushrooms are anti-inflammatory and tied to longevity, better immune function and mental clarity, earning them the nickname “king of mushrooms.”

I found a powdered form of reishi online that looked legit and had great reviews. It’s organic, grown in the United States (rather than Japan, because hello, radiation), and while it’s a little spendy, it’s a good value for the price. 

I checked in with my intuition and I got a really loud “YES” on this particular product. So, I decided to order some. It came really fast, I took a serving, and my stress/blood pressure headache immediately went away. 

Reishi doesn’t just numb your system. It allows you to have the cortisol you need, when you’re actually in danger, but it keeps things calmer, otherwise. I’ve only been taking it a few days, but I can already tell that it’s a game-changer for me. I highly recommend it, especially if you are going through menopause or have thyroid issues. 

Warning, reishi powder is bitter AF. No joke. I saw people recommending that you put it in your coffee. They are tripping, obviously. Don’t do that, unless you want to have the last few sips of your coffee taste super nasty. I recommend that you put the powder into some capsules and take it that way. Or, if you don’t want to bother with capsules (I know, they can be a mess) mix it in a little water, brace yourself, and chug that BEFORE you enjoy your coffee…or roasted chicory or some other decaffeinated beverage that’s not going to jack up your stress levels. 

Here’s the link for the Organic Red Reishi Mushroom Extract on Amazon. 

Do One Day at a Time

The stress that comes from anxiety is usually a result of what is called “future tripping”. There’s nothing wrong with looking ahead and trying to make the best plan possible. And of course, anticipating obstacles is part of that. 

But, the truth is that, while we can try to be well-prepared, we can really only take things one day at a time. Today. You can’t do tomorrow until it comes. So, it’s important to live in this day and make the most of it. If you mess it up, well, there’s another one coming, tomorrow, and that’s another chance to try again.  

The one day at a time thing is part of the anonymous programs, like Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Overeaters Anonymous, etc. I’ve never gotten into drugs or alcohol (thank God!), but I have enough issues just with food. I have big goals and I’ve been working towards them, diligently, but sometimes I can’t stop myself from stuffing my face with cake or whatever naughty thing I’m craving.

And sometimes I don’t get the results I want, even when I do everything perfectly.  

I have to remind myself to just do one day at a time, and that helps me to stay present. I highly recommend it. 

Cuddle a Kitty

You’ve heard of the “cuddle” hormone, oxytocin, right? It’s a feel-good chemical that our brains release when we hug a person, a pet, or even a stuffed animal.

According to the NIH, “Oxytocin can induce anti-stress-like effects such as reduction of blood pressure and cortisol levels. It increases pain thresholds, exerts an anxiolytic-like effect and stimulates various types of positive social interaction. In addition, it promotes growth and healing.”

I love cats, so that’s the first thing that I would reach for to cuddle, if a had a cat (I’m working towards getting one). If you’re more into dogs, then cuddle a dog, or whatever pet you have that is willing to be cuddled. Or cuddle a partner.

You can even cuddle a stuffed animal. I am not afraid to admit that I have two: a tuxedo cat called “Mr. Mozzie” (short for Mozart) and a llama with her eyes closed called “Llanie the llazy llama”.

Did you know that there are parties called “cuddle puddles”, too? I’ve been to one and it’s not my thing, necessarily, but to each their own. 

If you’re stressed out, consider cuddling something for comfort and get that oxytocin flowing. 

Have a Cup of Tea

Sitting down with a nice cup of tea in your hands can be soothing, in a number of ways. Both the heat and the water can relax your nervous system. 

Also, there are a variety of herbals teas that can calm the nervous system, like peppermint, lavender, rose, and chamomile.

Tulsi is an adaptogen (like the reishi mushrooms, above) that is especially powerful in helping the body and mind deal with stress. I usually drink some tulsi tea before bed, since I’m a night owl and that’s when my cortisol levels tend to be at their highest. 

Hibiscus tea and rooibos tea can lower blood pressure, which can help your system calm down. Of those two, I prefer rooibos, as it’s gentler. 

Dried elderberries can be brewed and made into a tea, as well. That’s my first choice, if I’m dealing with a mild allergic response or some kind of acute inflammation. I wrote a post about elderberry tea, which you can check out, if you’d like. 

I would be careful of caffeine, because it can exaccerbate a stress response, unfortunately. Unfortunately, decaf teas and coffee are sometimes processed with chemicals that you might not want to ingest. So, if you prefer coffee, black tea, or green tea, look for decaffeinated varieties that are water-processed, sans chemicals.

I have a variety of teas in my cabinet, at all times. Actually, there’s a whole section of my cupboards designated to them, because they are high on my priority list.

How about you? Do you have any herbal teas that you can reach for, next time you’re stressed out? If not, it might be a good idea to put a couple varieties on your shopping list.

Of all the ones that I mentioned, tulsi is the first one that I would recommend you get. It’s relatively inexpensive, it has a pleasant flavor, it’s gentle on the system, and it’s great at helping to soothe both the body and the mind. 

Take a Nap

I remember screaming “I’m not tired!” or some other form of “I don’t wanna!” when my mom told me to take a nap, as a child. Looking back, I have to wonder…”What was I thinking?!” Naps are amazing.

Yes, we all have stuff to do. If you have to be at work all day, you probably have to just gulp down some coffee and power through, when you get tired. Not everybody has the luxury of being able to take a nap. In that case, try to make sure you get enough shut-eye, during the night, because adequate sleep is so important for regulating our systems. 

But, if you’re like me, you work at home, and you have a little flexibility in your schedule, then taking a nap might be a good idea, when you get seriously stressed out. Sometimes, we have to just push “reset” on our own systems. 

Color

I loved doing coloring sheets, when I was a kid. They usually came out around holidays and were given out by local stores, which had coloring contests. I don’t know if I ever won a coloring contest, but I sure had fun trying!

It turns out that coloring is not just for kids! Adult coloring books have been very trendy, in the past number of years, as I’m sure you’re aware. 

Remember how I was talking about meditative activities? Well, coloring is one of them. It takes a certain amount of concentration, it’s not very difficult (unless you have a super hard time coloring within the lines, you rebel!), and it can help your brain get into a meditative state. Gotta love those theta waves!

I love coloring. I also love creating, so I have been testing my own drawing and artistic capabilities, by creating coloring sheets about once-a-month for my Patreon. I’ve been having a lot of fun with it and some of the coloring sheets have come out really well. Here’s the link, if you want to check that out. 

The next time you get stressed out and need to focus on something fun and relaxing, consider breaking out your colored pencils and a coloring sheet, and just let yourself go. 

Burn Some Incense

Incense is very powerful and it’s used in some traditional practices to clear negative energy from a space.

Certain types of trees and other scents have their own unique energies. Shoyeido labels their jewel series incense with intentions, as well. For example, the red ruby kind has the word “strength” associated with it, while the amethyst kind is supposed to bring balance. 

Sometimes, when I am feeling overwhelmed and need to reset my energy and reclaim ownership of my space, I will burn a stick of incense. The scents themselves can be soothing and uplifting. I also use the power of my mind to set my intention for the space, as well as my personal energy field (chi, prana, chakras, aura). 

In terms of the air quality of your home, it’s important to purchase incense made from natural sources, rather than synthetic scents. Whole Foods and other health food stores may be good sources of natural incense. I really like the Triloka and Shoyeido brands.

Listen to Music

Music is so powerful! It can help us dive deeper into our feelings, which can be beneficial in some cases. It can also help shift our mood and energy, if that’s what seems the most helpful. 

If you are stressed out by certain sounds (for me, it’s kids screaming or dogs barking or even this hawk squawking, as it flies over my building), it can also help you drown out those sounds, so you can focus on ones that you’d prefer. 

I have multiple song lists. YouTube has a great variety of videos that you can make lists out of, but it also as some seriously annoying commercials. I’m trying to build up the songs I have on my computer, as well, so I have options. 

In general, I try to choose songs that have positive, empowering messages. But, I also created a list of songs that I love, which don’t fit under that umbrella and I called it “moody songs”. I listen to those when I need to really feel my feelings and lean into my angst. 

What kind of music do you like? Are there songs that help you really feel your feelings (like watching a sad movie, when you’re depressed, so you can have a good cry) or ones that just help you shake things off and switch gears? I recommend that you have some of both types available. 

Keep a Gratitude Journal

Sometimes, we get caught up in the stress and drama of life and that’s all see can see, around us. Our brains are actually hard-wired to look for danger. It’s no wonder that we can get really stressed out and consumed with worry, unless we take the time to actively look for things that are going well. This is not to say that those bad things aren’t happening. But, rather to say, “Yes AND there’s all this other good stuff, too.”

I’ve been using the power of gratitude, as needed, for a very long time. But, I recently got into the practice of writing down a list of gratitudes before bed and I’ve noticed a difference in how it’s made me feel. 

I do mine at night, because that helps to calm my brain down, remember some of the good things that happened, during the day, and set my mind up for the most beneficial and healing sleep possible. Some people do gratitude journaling, when they wake up, which can also be a great way to set your vibe for the day. There’s no wrong time to find gratitude, though. Nor do you have to do it, every day, necessarily (though, it can help).

So, if you’re called to keep a gratitude journal, pick whatever time works best for you. Do you have a journal, a nice pen, and a quiet spot to write in? If not, you’ll first need to get those things sorted out.

I like to get my journals either online, via Amazon, or at discount stores, like Marshall’s, Home Goods, or Ross. Barnes & Noble tends to have a nice selection, as well. 

Clean Something

Alright, even if you didn’t have a wild confetti party, last night, a bit of cleaning can help make your home or office more pleasant (and less stressful) to be in.

Because cleaning is generally a very active thing, it can get your heart pumping and endorphins flowing. Is cleaning a workout? Well, it definitely can be, if it’s intense enough. So, you may be able to skip the gym on those days that you spend multiple hours cleaning and otherwise tending to your home. I personally count cleaning as an extra activity, but to each their own. 

I’ll admit that it’s a lot to take care of a home, all by yourself. I struggle with that, just with my one bedroom. I have a list of daily things that I do, as well as a rotation of deep cleaning items. I try to tackle at least one, per week. 

There are times when I am just too busy or too exhausted to clean and things pile up. In those cases (and since I work from home) I make a deal with myself that I cannot go out and play, until my apartment is mostly sorted. If it takes a day or two to get that done, so be it.

I have to toss some feng shui wisdom in here, because I am a practitioner. In feng shui, cleanliness really is close to Godliness. A clean, uncluttered, well-sorted environment helps the chi of our homes and offices flow better, which in turn helps the chi of our bodies and minds (our personal chi) flow better, therefore leading to greater wellbeing. 

When I learned that, it totally changed the way that I looked at and treated my surroundings. It also turned cleaning from being a kind of drudgery, to something positive that I could do to enhance my chi, plus heal my mind and body. I talk more about that in the “Clean with Love” chapter of my book. 

Take a look around you. Is your dining room table cluttered with unfinished projects (guilty!), is there a pile of laundry that needs to be processed? Is your refrigerator full of items that need to be made into meals, before they go bad? Are there things you look at, every day, that make you go, “Eww. I really need to clean that, someday soon”?

Time to make a list and create some time in your schedule. Yes, I know. It’s a never-ending list. That’s life, right? Unfortunately, letting it pile up just makes things worse. If you at least continously chip away at it, you can say at least say that you are working on it.

And if you’re in over your head, it’s okay to ask for help. If you don’t have the money to hire help, maybe you and a girlfriend can trade off by getting together and doing cleaning parties at your respective places? Just an idea…

Also, the more stuff you have, the more stuff you have to take care of. So, if things have gotten out-of-control, consider doing some clutter clearing, while your at it. 

Pray for Help

There are times when we just can’t figure it out, we don’t know how to deal with certain people or situations (which may feel impossible), and we need to ask for help from Spirit, God, Goddess, our higher selves, the angels…whatever you appeal to, when things seem beyond your control. 

I don’t know if this is “true” (does anyone really know?), but I’ve heard that because we have free will, we have to actively ask for help from Spirit to intervene in any particular situation. 

I’ve been dealing with some stress from my new neighbors and I recently found myself saying, “Hey, Spirit? I could really use some help with this situation, please!” 

Sometimes, I ask for specific things to happen. I do believe there’s some power in setting a clear, firm intention. But, there’s only so much we can know and see, down here, and I trust that Spirit sometimes (often) has a much greater perspective than I do, from my human perspective. So, in other cases, I ask for the best possible outcome. 

I find that praying for help allows me to relax and to trust that the situation can be resolved and I don’t have to figure it all out, right now. That, in turn, allows my monkey mind/hypervigilent warrior side to calm the heck down.

The help can come in the form of signs (clues from the Universe), the right things to say in a tricky interaction, meeting the perfect person to help you with a particular issue, etc. 

I highly recommend praying for help, i.e. the next time that you find that your actions or thoughts are making a situation worse, rather than better. Allow the Universe to step in. It takes faith, but miraculous things can happen, that we would never have been able to arrange, on our own. I truly do believe that, because I’ve experienced it many many times. 

Pro tip: when those miraculous clues, solutions, and resolutions do appear, remember to take a second (or longer!) to say “thank you” to Spirit. It helps to keep the goodwill flowing, if you know what I mean. 

I’d love to know if you found this post to be helpful. Do you have any questions about stress relief? Would you like to share healthy, easy methods of relieving stress that you find to be particularly helpful? Please feel free to leave a comment, below. 

Love and Blessings!

Claire Amber, Fired Up Diva